Another week, another win for PSG and another goal for Zlatan.
Ligue 1 at the weekend and the narrative seemed tiringly familiar.
Paris smugged their way to a 4-0 win over former rivals Lyon, dismissing them with relish, to stay four points clear and unbeaten.
PSG’s every game now seems to be one more marker along a season-long lap of honour, threatening to become so predictable even Sebastian Vettel would struggle to stifle a yawn.
And Ibrahimovic scored a penalty to become Ligue 1’s top scorer with 11. And it wasn’t just any old penalty, it was a Panenka.
Then before washing and and combing his hair, the most famous footballer in France got to meet its most famous unemployed man, Nicolas Sarkozy.
Here was the natural order restored; out-peacocked on the World Cup stage, Zlatan at least had the consolation of once again being the main draw in his adopted home.
Yet, it is not hard to argue that as impressive as Ibrahimovic is – and more importantly, even more impressive than he thinks he is – one player in Ligue 1 is out-performing the Swede week in, week out.
On Saturday evening Lille beat local rivals Valenciennes 1-0.
For the 10th week on the trot, goalkeeper Vincent Enyeama kept a clean sheet. 10 weeks!
Enyeama – and his second-placed Lille side – has not conceded a Ligue 1 goal for 945 minutes. In 15 matches this season, he has kept 13 clean sheets.
The forwards of Valenciennes joined those of Toulouse, Lorient, St Etienne, Rennes, Sochaux, Evian TG, Lyon, Ajaccio, Montpelier, Nantes and Monaco in failing to score past Vincent.
He has conceded just four goals since the beginning of the season, with Reims and Nice belonging to French football’s most exclusive club, both scoring twice against Lille.
Since Enyeama decided to stop letting in goals, Lille have risen from 12th to 2nd. They are a point ahead of Monaco and six ahead of Marseille who travel to Lille on Tuesday night.
If Enyeama manages to avoid conceding a goal in the first four minutes he will have set a new record for the French League.
(If you are wondering how good he is and what his saves look like against a background of poor music, wonder no longer)
The last time he conceded a goal was on September 15, a long ago, simple age when AVB was in a good mood, no one spoke to Iran, and JFK had been shot barely 49 years ago.
And it is not as if Enyeama, Nigeria’s number one, is playing behind a defence of Baresi and Beckenbauer.
As solid as Lille are, Enyeama has been performing minor miracles, including a 94th minute save against Valenciennes on Saturday which had L’Equipe purring.
Enyeama is a symbol of the new, stripped-back Lille.
Bought for an undisclosed fee from Hapoel Tel Aviv, then loaned to Maccabi Tel Aviv, Lille seemed unsure of a keeper who could now pick and choose who he plays for.
Just two seasons ago, Lille won the league and cup double (the end of an age before PSG burst to the top) with a team comprising Eden Hazard, Gervinho, Cabaye and Debuchy.
With their star players picked off by “bigger clubs”, Lille started again, recruiting players such as Enyeama.
Their aim is a top three place. Beating Marseille would go a long way to achieving that. Keep them at bay for four minutes and more, and you could argue Zlatan has a rival for player of the year. Truly.
Paris Shilton 